A very tough March
appeared, - not just for me, for the whole society in the world. Whatever news thread or portal I was opening, at the top of it was just one message - about Ukraine
. For me, the conversation above, with one of miniBB customers, stands more closely to the True than my past months living, despite it was not bringing a certain result in final... like Ukrainian situation as well.
Just a month ago They brought the Russian Olympics at the top - now they put Mr.Putin to the deep throat... Shame. The picture below is overall about any forum or discussion you may enter about Ukraine, my fun pic, these days... the doctor came in to fix the elephant... an unexpected event happened... Shit happens, as always.
These days I was remembering the classics from U2, my favorite band of all times... "Achtung Baby" album of 1991 and the related shows... One of the mottos for them was, "Everything you know is wrong"
. Great motto for lifetime. Especially, I loved this on their "Zoo TV" screens:
***Wait, oh shi~!
In my case, this month I was coming to the way of staying alone
. My mother's legs were dying. There was no other help from the doctors except of giving her even more stronger doses of analgesic drugs. She was screaming all day long in the retirement house, making crazy her neighbors and all the service personnel. It couldn't be stopped by other methods, unfortunately.
Approximately in the middle of March it started to be clear for me, that not just my mom's legs are dying. She was dying, in general, clearly stated.
It was very painful. For her, and for me. I'm not even sure she understood all that with the sick brains. I saw it quite natively.
My brains were also damaged this time, but not always. I was not able to work or think or take any serious decisions. I was not really able to even do something at home. Just lying in a bed and taking vodka in such portions I couldn't ever imagine I could handle them. I was thinking: "Hopefully, after all I could get off this drug. It's killing." This is how each of my few evenings ended:
This didn't help anyway. I was very tired and exhausted, all the time.
At the very Final days, the gangrene started to process on one of her legs. Knowing there are different types of gangrene, I imagined this could last for months and no one of doctors could say exactly for how long time, so this was even more exhausting. With my mom, it was a very heavy case. She was dying so painfully that I hope God took her closer after all
torments like it's suggested in the Book of Books...
I cursed this fucking "democratic" and "loyal" country for not legalizing euthanasia, they only could give her more portions of morphine, waiting until her heart stops because of too much drugs. I couldn't understand why she experienced so agonizing ending. She was a very friendly person and helped so many people; but they all were died or heavily sick before she was leaving, so no one was able to be near her except me.
I was all the time remembering the "Journey of Souls" book by Michael Newton, but my mother's soul obviously didn't want to escape quickly, something was keeping her in this world for all the time, I didn't understand this until the end... it's a cruel thing, to not understand something, if it's possible to do.
At March 20th, I waked up with so much pain in my shoulders and neck that I never experienced. Like there was a tank going over me recently... Afternoon, the final doctor called me and reported my mother has gone, at 13:20.
Since the New Year, in less than three months, my mother was getting into this hospital for five times.
I wouldn't call this hospital as the place were doctors could help people. Actually, specialists are heavily missed in this hospital. Many of them are invited from districts. It's because of small city, because of small salaries, because of small but proud country called "Latvia". Possibly, it's because "Latvia for Latvians". Latvians are not so many people in this world, as you might know. They couldn't be independant, 'cause they can't rely just on each other... this could bring much problems to their native neighbors they could even know.
In the past month, I've wrote Now educated people are taking care of my mother... It seemed, I was wrong.
I've spent the end of March just recovering from funerals and all that stuff. Remembering the best of my mom. She was born in a deep country side, so from my early childhood, we have visited the Forests quite often, looking for mushrooms, berries and giving our blood to gnats. She made me to love forests and wild nature. She was a great cooker, it was possible for her to cook a very delicious food in very big portions. She was helping people. She helped so much people that in the end, it appeared, nobody could beat her in this aspect. She was living a strange, difficult, but very rich life.
And she was missing lots of Love in her life.
Probably, like much of me missed it in the end.
If you look around, there is even less Love staying in this world. It seems like people do not want Love, they do not know what is Love. They want War. They are ready to come against, they are ready to fight for Phantoms, they are willing to kill each other... didn't we pass through this for hundreds years already???
Why the same loop is coming around? Are people still so stupid to not see that?..
At my mother's Earth end, 20th March 2014, I was following the calendar I have on the wall in this little flat (mom used such calendars for the whole life), and it appeared, at this day, I have my Name's day, and there is the Equinox.
Reading the back-side of the calendar sheet, I've discovered quite useful excerpts from some orthodox messages, which say about conviction and temptation as the two primary sins of all human kind, and the Calendar's message was about: who are YOU in this world, who are YOU to all persons you know?
As I'm truly fanatic about all signs around me I find, I couldn't say this calendar, which is mostly about generic things - recipes, anecdotes, religion notes - for that day was having this... it let me think even more.
Because conviction and temptation are my sins, too.
As you may understand, for March my miniBB jobs were temporarily stopped. I'd like just to say some special "kudos" to the customer from Chile, Eric. Hopefully he's far away from the Chile's earthquakes now... He has ordered three of miniBB add-ons these days I was taking off and a customized solution for his forums, which he shared for miniBB community for free.
By his contact, Eric resides in a place near this one:
It was so exciting for me seeing such a tiny place near, comparing, for example, to the Chile's gorgeous downtown:
I don't even know why I liked this order. Probably, because I love when miniBB is going to the International market. I love to see this project having fans in all places of the world, specially such small and cozy places like this.
So here we have a bit of piece from Jaime's calendar in the end... March! The nature is wakening up and everything melts down in true color... Be aware: the Jaime's old-friend-dog is wakening up, too! :)